Friday, April 1, 2011

Mourning Wood

previous post: Junk Franco


  1. No Sarah! When we said have a suck on the stick of Rock we didn’t mean…oh fuck it there’s no stopping her now, she’s systematically working her way through the Kama Sutra.

    Despite the wagon she’s draggin’ I would…twice…right there in the fucking park.

  2. all she can get is a rock that doesnt even look like a dick? maybe she should put down the fork, hit the gym, and find a man. looks like drew barrymore with a cottage cheese factory on her legs.

  3. Yeah, sounds like Steve would know what a dick looks like..

  4. Steve, this is not how I wanted you to find this out, but that is actually a photo of my new wife, AKA your step mom. This was taken on our Honeymoon in Stonehenge and I was on the other side of that rock fingering myself into oblivion. I’m really disappointed in you and ashamed to call you my son. Don’t be surprised when you get home and find your key won’t work on the basement door. You’re on your own. Happy 38th birthday, douche.

  5. Alright alright, stop getting mad over this.

    Don’t forget everybody has different opinions on things.
    The humor is hit and miss, and apparently a lot of people don’t like it

    I have to admit Steve’s comment was a bit funny, but don’t start stooping down to his level.

    Courtesy up repping this because it sounds like you’re trying hard

  6. Steve's Grandma

    You’re on your own, Stevie dear. I can’t take you in again. I’m still finding your butt sex magazines around the house when I clean.

  7. Steve's Grandma

    Stevie dear, it’s a shame I have to meet your new boyfriend lol on this site. A proper introduction would have been better for your sweet granny.

  8. I blame myself. I taught Steve that only men are allowed to be funny and raunchy, and women are supposed to spend all their time trying to look like greased-up Barbie dolls whose only purpose in life is to smile and nod. Steve, I just got “Never Been Kissed” on Blu ray and there is plenty of room in the garage. We’ll get through this together.

  9. The last time Steve told me I looked like Drew Barrymore, we had sex.

  10. Steve sounds like the kind of guy who masturbates to photos of himself. And let’s his dogs watch.

  11. Confucius say: Steve is a retard.

  12. The Ghost of Issac Breakstone

    Hello, friends. My name is Issac Breakstone. My brother Abraham and I emigrated to the United States in the turn of the century and peddled our pasteurized milk and cheese wares on the streets of New York. Due to hard work and diligence and despite incredible odds, we built our business into one of the most successful manufacturers of cottage and cream cheese that is still a trusted brand all these years later. Though I died in 1945, I have returned to As My Junk forums to thank Steve for comparing our fine product to such a gorgeous pair of legs. Though I find Breakstone’s to still be the most delicious of all the top brands, it pales in comparison to this beautiful photograph. The boner I currently have was enough to wake me from my decades-old slumber, to which I’ll return after I rub this one out. Peace!

  13. Uh, Steve… LOSING!

  14. The Ghost of Issac Breakstone

    PS: Please also try our sour cream, available in regular and reduced fat. And PPS, FUCK MAYONNAISE. I’m out.

  15. Last time I checked guys with huge cocks are way nicer to ladies than guys that get loled at when they pull their pants down. Just another thing to think about when you see an overly critical and bitter male making negative comments about an obviously attractive woman.

  16. Hi….uh….its me Steve again. I want to apologize for being a total douchebag. Truth is,I am jealous of that rock. The only pussy I get is my cat, but she claws at me when I try to give her some loving. I get off on making fun of pretty girls that I can NEVER get. Its true, I do have a mousey penis. I am a failure at life. Thanks everyone.

    P.S- mom, I hate you, my birthday was two months ago and I turned 39! Not 38. Can I at least come by and pick up my midget porn? PLEASSSSE?

  17. hey steve, why don’t you go sucks your dads dick and commit suicide in your parents basement/garage, whichever place you post up at

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